What Does “Verstenen” Really Mean?
The Dutch word “
literally means “to turn to stone.” Emotionally, it describes a state of feeling numb or frozen — when someone shuts down to protect themselves from overwhelming pain or fear. Instead of expressing emotions like sadness, anger, or joy, a person becomes emotionally rigid. This isn’t weakness; it’s often a natural response to trauma or stress.
Why We Sometimes “Turn to Stone”
When emotions become too painful, the body and mind try to shield us. This defensive mechanism can develop after experiences such as loss, conflict, or prolonged anxiety. Just like the body tenses to avoid injury, the mind “hardens” to avoid emotional harm. Over time, however, this emotional freezing can create distance between ourselves and others — and even from our true feelings.
The Hidden Signs of Verstenen
Many people who experience verstenen don’t immediately recognize it. Common signs include feeling disconnected from loved ones, struggling to cry or laugh, or feeling like life is happening in slow motion. Physical symptoms such as fatigue, headaches, or tension may also appear, as the body mirrors the emotional shutdown.
The Link Between Stress and Emotional Numbness
Chronic stress is one of the main triggers of verstenen. When the brain’s stress response stays active too long, emotional regulation becomes difficult. You may find yourself functioning on “autopilot” — doing what needs to be done without truly feeling present. Over time, this emotional disconnection can affect relationships, work performance, and self-esteem.
How Verstenen Affects Relationships
Emotional numbness doesn’t just affect the person experiencing it; it impacts their relationships too. Loved ones might sense emotional distance, misunderstand it as disinterest, or feel rejected. This can create a painful cycle — the more disconnected one feels, the harder it becomes to reconnect. Recognizing this pattern is the first step toward rebuilding closeness and trust.
The Importance of Acknowledging Your Feelings
To overcome verstenen, acknowledgment is key. Suppressed emotions don’t disappear; they stay buried, influencing behavior in subtle ways. Taking time to identify what you feel — even if it’s confusion or emptiness — helps thaw emotional blocks. Journaling, talking to a trusted friend, or working with a therapist can make these feelings easier to process.
Practical Steps to Start Feeling Again
Overcoming emotional numbness is a gradual process. Here are a few small but effective steps:
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Practice mindfulness. Focus on your breathing, body sensations, and surroundings.
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Engage your senses. Music, art, or time in nature can help reconnect body and emotion.
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Express emotions physically. Exercise or creative activities can release built-up energy.
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Seek safe connection. Share your experiences with someone supportive.
Each step helps rebuild emotional awareness and fosters a sense of safety within yourself.
When Professional Help Can Make a Difference
If verstenen persists or feels overwhelming, professional support can be transformative. Therapists trained in trauma or emotion-focused therapy help clients safely explore their inner world. At Lorance.nl, compassionate professionals guide individuals toward rediscovering emotional balance and resilience through tailored therapy and coaching sessions.
Learning to Trust Your Emotions Again
One of the hardest parts of healing from verstenen is learning to trust your emotions once more. Many people fear that feeling again will lead to more pain. However, emotions are messages — not threats. Sadness, anger, and joy all provide valuable insights into your needs and boundaries. Trusting them again allows you to live more authentically and connect more deeply with others.
The Role of Self-Compassion in Healing
Healing from emotional numbness requires self-compassion. It’s common to feel frustrated about being “stuck” or emotionally closed off, but harsh self-criticism only deepens the freeze. Treat yourself with the same patience you’d offer a friend in pain. Kindness softens the inner walls and allows genuine healing to begin.
How Environment and Routine Can Help You Unfreeze
Simple lifestyle changes can support emotional recovery. Regular sleep, balanced nutrition, and meaningful daily routines create stability for emotional growth. Spending time in calming environments — such as natural settings or creative spaces — can also help you reconnect with yourself. Small, consistent choices can have a powerful impact over time.
Reconnecting With Joy and Purpose
As you begin to thaw emotionally, moments of joy, curiosity, and creativity often reappear. You might rediscover passions you’d forgotten or find new meaning in relationships and everyday life. Allow these moments to expand naturally — they are signs that your inner world is waking up again.
Turning Vulnerability Into Strength
Far from being a weakness, vulnerability is a powerful form of strength. When you let yourself feel, you open the door to growth, empathy, and real connection. The process of overcoming verstenen transforms not only how you relate to emotions but also how you experience life itself.